Reflective Essay #6

Tori Beaty

INTG 323

Reflective Essay #6

26 March 2012

Friendships and Identity

            I believe that I, along with all people, have multiple types of friendships.  In some way, all friendships are based on utility.  Friends rely on each other and often use each other when they need help.  Even some of my best friends have a hint of utility.  My boyfriend is always there to help me with difficult assignments, my roommate is always willing to offer a listening ear/advice and one of my best friends can always be counted on as a good running partner.  There are some friends that are strictly utility driven, but these three in particular are that and much more.  I enjoy spending time with them even though I do not receive any direct benefit from it, leading me to believe that their friendships could also be considered those of pleasure.  I often find myself doing activities that I do not particularly enjoy because it gives me the opportunity to be with my friends and spend quality time with them.  I do not know how close I am to obtaining a “perfect friendship.” Eventually, I would hope that my relationship with my boyfriend would eventually lead to a perfect friendship in which we want nothing but success for one another.  In some ways our relationship does model that of a perfect friendship because we are constantly encouraging and helping each other. However, there are still traces of utility and pleasure because we rely on each other for help and truly enjoy each other’s company.

            One situation stands out in my mind when I think about my beliefs being challenged.  During my senior year of the high school I was the cross country captain. I had a very good relationship with my coach as well as with my teammates.  Before our regional meet, my coach approached us all individually and tried to race us against each other and tried to tell each of us that we were better than the rest.  Naturally, being teenage girls and best friends, we all told the others about what had happened.  We all got upset, did not run well and ended up placing fourth in the meet when we were expected to win.  After the race we discovered that we were dangerously close to not advancing to the sectional meet.  My coach was furious and said some things that I did not believe a coach should ever say to athletes.  The entire experience was a test of my beliefs because I did not believe it was right of my coach to pit teammates against each other, I did not believe it was appropriate for her to speak to the team the way she did, but I was also taught growing up that coaches deserve complete respect, so I did not know how to handle the situation.  Initially, I resorted to an emotional response as Green Lantern did because I was upset and determined to protect my teammates.  I got into a very heated discussion with my coach and had a very strained relationship with her for a couple of days.  However, after cooling off, I talked to my dad about the situation. He reminded me about my upbringing and how an athlete has the right to disagree with a coach, but never has the right to disrespect one.  I approached my coach the next day, talked the situation through and eventually got it resolved.  She explained why she reacted the way she did and for the first time, admitted that she may have made some mistakes.  Overall, I learned that situations will arise that will tempt me to react emotionally, but if I react calmly in the way I was raised, situations will resolve themselves much easier.